Thursday, July 14, 2011

Men vs. Women BBQ Wars...

So I sent this innocent (but hilarious) e-mail to a few guys in our family, my brother in law being one of them.. here is the e-mail I sent him and below that is his response.. enjoy!

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 


The woman buys the food. 

The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert. 

The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand. 

The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part: 


More routine... 

The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. 

The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat.

Important again: 


More routine... 

The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table. 

After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all: 

Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

 Rob's response...


Heres how the guys see it.

One Month before the party (90 degrees out):

The man fertilizes the lawn
The man pressure washes the house and the deck
The man touches up the paint
The man fixes the pump on the pool and replaces the filters
The man mows the lawn
edges the lawn, trims the lawn, blows the sidewalks and driveway

Three weeks out (93 degrees out):

The man refinishes the deck
The man pressure washes the driveway
The man trims the shrubs
The man sweeps and shocks the pool
The man refreshes the mulch
The man sprays the yard for weeds
The man mows the lawn
edges the lawn, trims the lawn, blows the sidewalks and driveway

Two weeks out (97 degrees out):

The man weeds the flowerbeds
The man pressure washes the pool furniture and the pool deck
The man mows the lawn
edges the lawn, trims the lawn, blows the sidewalks and driveway

3-4 days out (record breaking heat since 1905):

The man mows the lawn
edges the lawn, trims the lawn, blows the sidewalks and driveway
The man fills the propane tanks
The man sprays for bugs and ants.
The man cleans the grill and the grill tools.
The woman goes shopping... for food and plates and clothes and shoes and purses
The woman assigns stuff for all of her friends to bring

Party day:

The man stands outside in the 99 degree 100% humidity weather and cooks over a 400 degree grill for 2 hours.
The woman stays in the air conditioned house and tosses salad.
Everybody else eats.
The man eats a cold hot dog and chicken breast with a diet coke.  The brats and burgers are gone.  The salad is wilted and the fruit is warm.  The regular coke is gone.  The only chips left are fat free veggie crisps.
The man gets in the pool and enjoys the rest of the day.

What a great party.

It is conceivable in some cases the the word Man above may not be referring to the man of the house, but possible some other man who was picked up at QT that morning, but the man of the house still gets the credit.  After all he did go pick up the man and pay the man and take the man home.  Us men have to stick together.



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